splendid to find

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think.
It's splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”
L. M. Montgomery

Sarah, Millie, myself, Rachel

 

beat with you

Five days away from my husband and daughter, scrapbooking five years of life together, and we chat on the last day:

R: My heart wants to beat next to yours.
B: I misread that, thought you said your heart wants to be with mine.
R: Pretty much.
 ...
R: Anything in particular you want to do when I get home?
B: Beat with you.

five revolutions

The weekend of our fifth anniversary.

Photos by our dear friend Katy Snow.

five years

We drove through cornfields, saw lightning and rainbows. Played a game of euchre with Ben and Silas. I walked him out to his car in the parking lot of AmericInn. He said he had an early birthday gift, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a deck of red playing cards from his summer stock theatre job. But there was one more thing, and he couldn't wait until my birthday one week later.

He asked me to share the rest of my life with him.

I said I would share forever with him.

water falling twice = minneopa

Went camping without the chicklet for the first time EVER.

Let's get married
Hold hands when we walk in the park
All right you can get a cat just as long as it barks
-The Proclaimers

The Minnesota River

This perfectly roasted mallow expresses my exact feeling
towards the man shrouded in smoke.

a world about to dawn

For only the 2nd time in my life I've been able to attend a cousin's wedding! Back in 1998 I got to go to a wedding in Oklahoma by God's grace, and yesterday Jonas married Andrea in Ames, Iowa. You might think from the simplicity of my own wedding that I don't enjoy them, but it has merely been location that has prevented me from the rest. Hoping to attend at least two more friends' nuptials later this year.

The three of us happened to wear red and black, the wedding colors.
Coincidence? I think not...

"Just act natural."

Silliness :)

the odyssey

Love God, and do as you please.
-St Augustine



Bowl of peas, glass of wine; commence writing.

How do I distill my life, or a year, or one day into words? At any minute my husband will walk in the door and I can go on to the next thing. Tonight's particular next thing might be watching the premiere of ST:The Next Generation before falling asleep beside him. For the next 16 weeks he is getting his CNC certification on top of providing our living, requiring him to be gone from 7:30am to 11pm five days a week. I can promise you I would never be able to handle being a military wife, and only by the grace of God will I be able to endure these four months. I have tremendous love and respect for my "Bachelor of Arts" whose dream job is jack-of-all-trades! I greatly anticipate both hearing all about his first day of school as we wind down tonight AND the completion of this certification come May! I look forward to what God has to teach me, meanwhile. About lavishing love upon Norah and other friends & family who I can focus on during the week. About stewarding my talents and time. About His character, and becoming more like Him in every way possible.

Above all may I exude thankfulness, for I am very, very blessed.

for coherency's sake

I know I've been posting heaps of photos and videos lately, but I just really feel like posting a few pictures today. I still love the English language as much as ever, it's just that I have too many words swirling around in my brain to put any coherent thought down on paper (or screen).

We went to a wedding last Saturday.

My father-in-law and mother-in-law, with their granddaughter.

Norah. Her grown-up-ness makes me cringe.

My MIL takes a picture of me taking a picture of her. You'll just have to imagine what I look like, as will I, because I never once looked at myself in a mirror that whole day - except for brushing my hair before I put my dress on.

My stylin' nephew Ryott at the Sunday birthday party. He's my favorite nephew ever. And I covet his shoes.

revolutions

There is a day
when the road neither
comes nor goes, and the way
is not a way but a place.

-Wendell Berry

I have lived in Minnesota for a year now. I have been a full time homemaker for a year. The title 'homemaker' sums up all that I hold dear! Home; and Making. Place; and Purpose. Where I belong and what I do are all rolled into who I am. My identity.

I am continually learning better ways to say things. Letting love temper my confrontation of the world. Realizing that submission is not a negative word, but we have twisted and bent it into an ugly idea (too much of anything is ugly). Convincing myself of that pretty much every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. And often failing. Embracing restoration and resourcefulness.

Questions I have been asked: What do you do all day? Do you like living across the street from your in-laws? Why are you drawn to the countryside? While these questions usually come from a genuine curiosity, I feel that I cannot adequately explain such broad and complex subjects. I want to answer with a story. I want to offer inquirers a glimpse into my life, but a plunge would be more apt. Brett and I were completely MADE to live this life. We have the exact skills and desires to turn the undesirable into the hospitable. I could write a whole post on this, but suffice it to say, we are on our own timetable and at this stage cannot do this for our livelihood. Though we are doing it for our living. *smile*

We have decided to name this home The Portage, alluding to life's transitory nature, and because this house is not our Anchor's Rest.

¹por·tage noun \ˈpȯr-tij, 3 is also pȯr-ˈtäzh\1 : the labor of carrying or transporting
2 archaic : the cost of carrying : porterage
3 a : the carrying of boats or goods overland from one body of water to another or around an obstacle (as a rapids) b : the route followed in making such a transfer

meant to be

Brett,
the love of my life,
the man God made to husband me,
is a merely kind of person. (see previous post)

Brett does not use too many words. He has no anxiety about details. He is never restless.

He uses merely enough words. He accepts each day as it comes. His soul rests even when he works.

Our couples small group was on personality traits last week. I identified most with the lion (aggressive) and secondarily the beaver (detail-oriented). Brett was of course the opposite/complimentary golden retriever (non-confrontational) and otter (relational). Reflecting on our differences ought to make me rejoice in my Creator's ingenious diversity. Our strengths are meant to blend together in a beautiful harmony, but often result in discordant cacophony. Though of late I have bemoaned the restrictions of time, here is a marvelous example of how we have been put in time for our own good: God has not finished with us yet. He is still at work to mend our dissonance into glorious unity. Every once in a while when we hit the right notes - these are glimpses of What Is Meant To Be.

my beloved burns wood

In a month we will have been married for three years. And he is by far my most favorite person in the world. We are making a counterfeit carcassonne, and it smells sooo good.

collectanea

I've been recording snatches of the days...

Elanor Dregge and Johannah Merz

In a homily for a wedding, Denis Haack explains that marriage is extraordinary: One proof is that even math has stopped working. Or more accurately, math is working at a far deeper, mysterious level here today. When you walked in here, 1 + 1 = 2. But when you walk out, 1 + 1 = 1.http://blog4critique.blogspot.com/2010/10/present-your-bodies.html

It happened. Sitting here at the computer, I heard the ominous succession of thumps that I had long dreaded: my toddler falling down the flight of wood stairs. As I ran to the foot of the stairway, her scream actually gave me immense relief (for then I knew she was conscious), and even before I reached her my mind ran through the possibilities of black eyes, bruises and broken bones. I observed poor norah sprawled face down for just long enough to determine that she could move on her own, but as she reached for me tearfully - sobbing something about falling down the stairs as if i might not realize what had happened - I was amazed to discover no visible injury. Nothing bleeding or broken. Once in my arms her sobs subsided and she asked for ice, which she does every time she acquires a bump, and we talked about how she needs to go down stairs feet-first and not try to walk down by herself.

Ned and I

"...when you were shipwrecked, you sailed from the place in a boat woven mostly of spells, and it didn't leak water. Was it illusion?"
"Well, partly it was illusion, because I am uneasy seeing the sea through great holes in my boat, so I patched them for the looks of the thing..."

-A Wizard of Earthsea

This made Brett and I laugh aloud, and such moments are precious and rarer than they should be. You might have to read the book to share our amusement. Ged is such a serious fellow most of the time.

Before reading this we approached the brink of catastrophe on a patch of ice early in the morning driving south out of Minnesota. Though we lost control for at least a quarter mile, my Superman-husband's steady skill and God's sovereign protection kept us on the road instead of in the ditch, where Brett was sure the speed and slope would have rolled the vehicle.

So we may have been a little giddy with being alive when we shook with laughter over the wizard's teasing.

Edmund chuckles at us. We beam.

My L'abri notes:

Platonic Dualism: The problem of dualism is not making a distinction, but creating a hierarchy (of value). The solution is to put all under God, not blur the distinction.
Hannah Coulter: Expectations are a puff of smoke. Education often encourages the belief that there is a better place somewhere else.
On Being a Neighbor: The hardest thing to give is ourselves. God meshes our desires and talents with His calling.
Then we returned to a land of white. I put an end to four years of dental avoidance. I finished my book a few minutes before bookclub. Hurray for offers of rides and spontaneous visits from friends, ending the evening with a succulent House episode. Got a lovely breakfast and great tips on jewelry versatility and chiropractice at MOPS this morning. Now to grate and freeze squash, scrape paint, start holiday projects. I know this Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to be the best yet.

meet the johnsons

I could not have picked a better family to marry into.

My sister in law snaps a shot of her mom and dad.

We spent the weekend with my in-laws at Sakatah lake. Officially we were celebrating Nana and Tanka's 30th anniversary which was earlier this year, and although it did not end up raining like we were expecting (some of us wistfully...) we had a lovely time enjoying the fall weather, playing games, and partaking in delicious salmon and loads and loads of coffee.

Memorable story #1: Norah quickly took possession of the toy-and-book closet in the motel suite (it was rather like a b&b crossed with a cabin). When I put her to bed the first night, kissed and sung-to and tucked-in, she requested to sleep with her "glasses-phone", and it only took me a second to think through all her newfound friends and alight upon the answer. As you may see from the picture above, this innovative title belongs to what the less literal of us know as ...a ViewMaster.

Memorable story #2:
Andrea asked the unfortunate loaded question: What is the thing you most often wish for? " - and I don't want to know if it's sex," she qualified.

I don't know, maybe I suck at this game, or maybe I just forgot the fact that out of the six of us I am the only one who doesn't work outside the home, but I could not narrow it down without giving myself away (house, babies, snow) so I wrote down the less conspicuous response of "more time."

Turns out everyone was too vague. No points for Andrea. Actually I think she did get one point for Brett's continual wish for used cars. "More money" and "that I didn't have to work" just weren't specific enough. Andrea was particularly miffed that she didn't guess Brian's answer of going fishing, to which his defense was, "you said we couldn't put sex." Ooh, burn. And on your anniversary celebration weekend.

Memorable story #3: It didn't rain at all, it just misted a bit. We could have gone camping like we had originally intended. All in all, I think it worked out perfectly. We got to take family pictures against a gorgeous backdrop, the kiddos were super entertaining, and I only broke one glass and started one fire. (I think I broke a record!) By God's grace I put aside all disappointment and reservation, and gained a greater delight in the 30-year marriage of two of the least selfish people I know.

beauty trumped my doubt

"But if we hope for what we do not see,
with perseverence we wait eagerly for it."

ohhh weekend. in which we recover from colds, watch tv, and drink tea. brett helps sandbag one of the city wells after 10" of rain causes much flooding. norah joins the trees in donning fall colors. i read books and tidy around the house and whisper to brett, "all i want for christmas is a house. wrapped in snow."

our little girl grows so assertive. she craves attention & interaction. her babyhood was fleeting, i had hardly said hello and it was gone. how i love to watch her legs stretch out and see her mind put things together and the words come out in full sentences, newly-born into the dazzling light of day.

sometimes the past feels like a dream. most has faded away, except for brief vivid memories, like postcards. the ache will remain. the happiest, highest moments are but a taste of heaven.

ah but i have the sweetest friend to share life with.

mmtf (much more than friend)

My beloved is dazzling and ruddy
His eyes are like doves

His mouth is full of sweetness

And he is wholly desirable

This is my Beloved and this is my Friend

O daughters of Jerusalem

~from SoS five~

Listmania

Coffee brewed. Husband sent off to work. Dough mixed. Cookies and Bread baked. Dishes washed. Daughter breakfasted and dressed. Caterpillars fed. Camping menu planned. Laundry folded. Blog written... whoops! Better do that now.

Norah observes the Black Swallowtails feasting on parsley.

My brain thinks in pictures, but I have trouble remembering unless it is written down, so my pen writes in lists because it is efficient. I liked the idea a friend discovered of using her birthday as the start and end of a year of resolutions, so I am blatantly copying her with my own goals. Here are seven things I'd like to accomplish before I turn 27:

Save up for a house of our own

Lose 15 lbs

Make a dentist appointment

Finish three craft projects

Go to the Boundary Waters

Join or start a bookclub

Keep a prayer journal

Here are a few other lists that have been rumbling around in my head. The first is my parents' homeschooling lesson plans from my childhood, which my family found and gave me recently.

And here's a page out of a book Brett gave me, along with roses.

Rich in Mercy

On July 10, 2007 my best friend asked me to be his wife. How happy I am for that day.

Today (three years and one day later) we were both baptized in a river, a step of obedience we were priviledged to take together, testifying that "God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ, and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2.

I will be working in the cornfields for the next few weeks and probably won't write again until August, which will be full of family celebrations, county and state fairs, and camping. God continues to provide for us, financially and spiritually, and we continue to trust and thank Him amid our transitory state.

Steadfastness

A week ago I planted kernels of corn in black soil freshly turned. It rained all weekend. Yesterday, my little seedlings were an inch high! So proud of the little darlings.

Three summers ago Brett gave me a ring. It takes a little longer than a weekend of rain to see the product of our labor to build a marriage that honors the One Who gave His life for His bride. I hope upon hope that our relationship is a tiny little sprout that is maturing each day by God's grace.

In Created to Be His Help Meet Debi Pearl writes that most men tend to be dominant in one of three traits that reflect God's character: Commanders, Visionaries, or Steady men. My Brett is the latter.

"When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him."

Hit home much? She goes on to give me many solid reasons to appreciate his steadiness.
...He is like deep, deep water
...His strength is exercised as he quietly assumes responsibility that other usually shirk
...His steadfastness is sure, his loyalty is strong
...His children grow up to highly respect their gentle-speaking dad.
...His still, quiet presence brings peace. He does not focus on the eternal picture, nor is he looking through a microscope, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is.

"If you didn't attempt to change him into something other than what God created him to be, he would not cause you any grief."

The women in our small group studied Helper By Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick, and I am convicted by the way she explains what it means to be a helpmate.

"Eve’s punishment proves that God looked upon her as equal with Adam in His image. She was just as responsible to know and obey the Law as he was, and she was equally accountable for her actions. She wouldn’t be allowed to skirt her obligation with a flippant, "It’s my husband’s fault. If he had been a better husband, I would have been a better wife. ""

My MIL recommended Love & Respect. Then I heard it mentioned again in a friend’s wedding ceremony, so I picked it up and was so glad I did. Emerson Eggerich writes:

"The apostle Peter wrote to wives that if any husband were disobedient to God’s Word, "they may be word without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior" (1 Peter 3:1-2). Peter is definitely talking about unconditional respect. The husbands he mentions are either carnal Christians or unbelievers who are disobedient to the Word - that is, to Jesus Christ. God is not pleased with a man like this, and such a man does not "deserve" his wife’s respect. But Peter is not calling on wives to feel respect; he is commanding them to show respectful behavior. This is not about the husband deserving respect; it is about the wife being willing to treat her husband respectfully without condition. To say the least, doing something when you don’t really feel you want to do it is counterintuitive. Therefore, this passage must be acted upon in faith."

I am so thankful I am being reminded of these things continually. God has given me every resource I need, and though I deny, accuse, and rebel, He is longsuffering. And so, praise God, is my husband.

Memorial Day

So we moved! No more sacrificing our marriage for our daughter's sake. No more sacrificing our family for a career in theatre arts. I don't think our goals have changed at all... merely the scenery along the way. What matters more: the journey or the destination? Trick question. Both are of great value. I still hope Brett will be a Technical Director one day, even just at a high school with next-to-nothing pay, or maybe he will have a career in carpentry and do theatre on the side. We just won't sacrifice time with each other to achieve it.

Living in Maryland taught us much. Both of us working full time just to pay the rent taught us to appreciate every moment of time together. Living in the city confirmed our hearts' desires to dwell away from both urban and suburban communities. Being half a continent away from our folks (opposite coasts from mine) truly forced us to leave and cleave, and to find encouragement and support in the body of Christ and necessarily depend on God alone as our Anchor.

For us, being in the midwest feels right. I will always appreciate what living in the DC-Baltimore area taught us, but I will never regret leaving it. Places have always had an affect on me. The desert - Bakersfield - represented dry land, brown sky, constant summer. I also wanted to escape the brokenness of relationship - when my parents were seperated for five years. But God was drawing me to my calling (Genesis 50:20). England represented history and fantasy, a place very green and very rainy, almost too good to consider home. Iowa was where I was happiest, always. It was there I met Brett, who would become my best friend, and there our daughter was born by God's decree, and I would have it no other way!

And what is my calling? Something I am ever discovering. (Stay tuned!)

I relate well to Almanzo and Laura Wilder, whose first four years of marriage were full of hardship and sorrow, and whose daughter was also named after a flower. Let me state for the record that I wish to always be poor but always make ends meet. I am happiest working at home. I hope to have a leaky, ramshackle, Boxcar-Children-meets-It's-A-Wonderful-Life house someday, but the Lord is my Shepherd and as long as I am with Brett my cup overfloweth.

At the end of two years I was just beginning to uncover two of my greatest vices: impatience and discontent. Only from a place of honesty and humility can I learn to walk according to my calling - helpmate, steward, disciple. I want to keep this blog to challenge myself in discipline, and to write more than a facebook status to my community and kin.

Let me share Memorial Day with you: The first part was spent in Owatonna Minnesota, my husband's hometown, where our Norah watched her first parade and the marching band and horses held her attention fast, and our morning concluded with a potluck with Nana and Tatanka. Then Norah and I drove down to Rolfe Iowa, my father's hometown, to see Grandma Ives, aunts, uncle, cousins, and second cousins. Swimming, a movie, and singing around a bonfire. A brilliant sunset on the plains and night sky brimming with stars.

Reading Till We Have Faces for what must be the third or fourth time: "Who can feel ugly when the heart meets delight?" My heart has met delight. Here. Now.