Two year olds do not come with an off switch. Yet when they finally zonk out you can't keep your eyes off their angelic, peaceful features. I think we're mesmerized because we just can't believe how effortlessly they pull off such a cunning deception and fool us over and over again into absolutely melting at the sound of their delicate snores.
Prepare yourself for another round of brutal honesty.
I feel as though I have a split personality. A part of me just says: roll with it. Life can be perfectly wonderful with one beautiful bright-eyed little girl. So be it. Just accept it. Be content. It's not about you. Be thankful for what you've got. The other part of me holds on like there's no tomorrow; hopes upon hope; longs, and yearns, and dreams for the answer to prayer. The other part of me BELIEVES that it will come about. That it was meant to be. That these particular desires will see fulfillment, a fulfillment that will give glory to God. ...and everything sad will come untrue.
So which is right? Which is true? I cannot deny either. I live daily in the tension. Maybe I will for my whole life.
Whatever I do, I will be certain to melt just a little longer when I gaze upon those pink eyelids and that tousled hair. Every day saying goodbye to the baby who I held and changed and sang to, as the girl that she is becoming all too quickly emerges.
3 comments:
You said "I live daily in the tension." Oh yes, I get that. I recently, finally came to the conclusion that I had to stop living denying the possibility of a miracle, but then am I just setting myself up for failure? It's hard to say. But I do know that my reliance on God continues to grow, and for that, I must be grateful. Beautiful post. I hope the move is still going well.
Oh, you have brought tears to my eyes!! Last night was Hope's senior prom, she graduates in three weeks and in 19 weeks and two days we leave to take her to college in CALIFORNIA. I know it is good and I know it is right but sometimes I want my baby back.
Kim: You are right about the tension stretching us. Refinement is painful, but oh the greater (oft forgotten) joy of being conformed to His image. ...our remodeling continues, and will for about five years (at least that's the plan)! I will be sure to post more pictures as things progress.
Kathie: I am NOT ready to send Norah off to college! Praise God for a *few* more years. But I have siblings who go to Hope's college too, and I will have to tell them about her. :)
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