Lord Jesus, I offer You
all that I am
all that I have
all that I do
all that I suffer
Now and Forever.
This prayer is in chapter seven of Linda Dillow's book Calm My Anxious Heart, and she suggests writing a list of all the things in each category of your life so that you can willfully sacrifice them all to the Lord. More than just a simple exercise, this compelled me to grow in faith as I considered all the "dreams" that God has had to wrench away from my desperate grasp. The gifts of a loving husband and a beautiful daughter that I did nothing to deserve--Am I able to surrender my own daughter if God calls me too? (for God gave His own beloved Son to die) --Could I live without the other half of my heart? (widows are to honor God too)
I must steadfastly believe that I am His vessel to use for His purposes, and even if the ground opens up beneath me (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually) His strength will suffice. Let it be so with me, dear Father.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
fealty
Psalm 16:5
Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure.
I have been disappointed when we made offers on possible dreamhouses, for we could not bring ourselves to make an offer unless it held that potential. Knowingly, we laid our desires before the Lord twice, and He said no twice. I've begun to rather expect that He will say no. Because I chose to trust that it was God who was directing our steps, and not our omission nor any agency of man, I was able to be uncharacteristically apathetic when we made an offer on a third house. Time will tell (closing is in two weeks) what our portion and our cup will be.
What an ordeal learning is. Being convinced that God is protecting the right house for us, I can begin to accept that He has done, is doing, and will do the same for my other prayer requests.
Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure.
I have been disappointed when we made offers on possible dreamhouses, for we could not bring ourselves to make an offer unless it held that potential. Knowingly, we laid our desires before the Lord twice, and He said no twice. I've begun to rather expect that He will say no. Because I chose to trust that it was God who was directing our steps, and not our omission nor any agency of man, I was able to be uncharacteristically apathetic when we made an offer on a third house. Time will tell (closing is in two weeks) what our portion and our cup will be.
What an ordeal learning is. Being convinced that God is protecting the right house for us, I can begin to accept that He has done, is doing, and will do the same for my other prayer requests.
Two women looked through prison bars
One saw mud, the other saw stars.
One saw mud, the other saw stars.
-Calm My Anxious Heart
Monday, February 14, 2011
this is love
"I'm looking for my sweetheart," she said again. I asked her which doll or animal she was referring to, seeing many strewn about on the floor. "My SWEETHEART," was all she could tell me.
Inspiration: I asked her what color her sweetheart was. "Gray." But again I was dumbfounded because to my knowledge she had no gray playthings. Her plastic elephant or duplo cat? No and no.
Later during the day, I noticed her beloved bunny blanket who likes to hide. And by "hide", I mean "be trundled along everywhere and often forgotten". I thought about how faded and worn Bunny had become since Norah was a baby. Currently, Bunny really enjoys "sharing" Norah's breakfast, and though he is laundered regularly, his fur is now matted... and grayish! Of course. In my judgmental mind, Once a pink bunny, Always a pink bunny, and it would never have occurred to me that a pink bunny would fall into the gray sweetheart category. But two-year-olds who share their papa's genes see bunnies differently.
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly..."
Inspiration: I asked her what color her sweetheart was. "Gray." But again I was dumbfounded because to my knowledge she had no gray playthings. Her plastic elephant or duplo cat? No and no.
Later during the day, I noticed her beloved bunny blanket who likes to hide. And by "hide", I mean "be trundled along everywhere and often forgotten". I thought about how faded and worn Bunny had become since Norah was a baby. Currently, Bunny really enjoys "sharing" Norah's breakfast, and though he is laundered regularly, his fur is now matted... and grayish! Of course. In my judgmental mind, Once a pink bunny, Always a pink bunny, and it would never have occurred to me that a pink bunny would fall into the gray sweetheart category. But two-year-olds who share their papa's genes see bunnies differently.
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly..."
Sunday, February 13, 2011
refinement
Refinement is feeling blechy and discouraging - but it is still from the Lord, right? Perhaps it is the devil gaining a foothold. Focusing on the very long list of positives. Dwelling on the Unchanging Writ. Awaiting The Day by seizing this one.
Here is some of my list:
~ Brett - my best friend, and so much more than a friend
~ Norah - the apple of my eye
~ Being able to live my dream of being a homemaker
~ A truth-founded community of fellowship (our church and small group)
~ An irreplaceable family, included the best in-laws one could possibly ask for!
~ The breathtakingly beautiful Midwest
~ Food (bargains!)
~ Clothing (bargains!!)
~ Shelter (bargains!!!)
~ Health insurance coverage
~ Reliable transportation in the form of a spacious 2005 minivan
~ Travel opportunities & education & experiences
~ Abundant material possessions
Shoot. I don't think there's anything left to go on the 'complaints' list...
Here is some of my list:
~ Brett - my best friend, and so much more than a friend
~ Norah - the apple of my eye
~ Being able to live my dream of being a homemaker
~ A truth-founded community of fellowship (our church and small group)
~ An irreplaceable family, included the best in-laws one could possibly ask for!
~ The breathtakingly beautiful Midwest
~ Food (bargains!)
~ Clothing (bargains!!)
~ Shelter (bargains!!!)
~ Health insurance coverage
~ Reliable transportation in the form of a spacious 2005 minivan
~ Travel opportunities & education & experiences
~ Abundant material possessions
Shoot. I don't think there's anything left to go on the 'complaints' list...
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
bookends
Familiarizing myself with local antique and consignment shops led me to find a set of bookends bearing my maiden name initials. Being that these are the first set of bookends I've ever owned, I think it's appropriate that they are reminiscent of my origins. The shop owner had no idea of their story or significance, but he gave them to me for a buck-fifty. Although the other day at Hobby Lobby I saw a set with an anchor on the left and a shipwheel on the right...
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