crimson beauty

Summer began yesterday on the calender. What started out as a vast blank slate has become quickly crowded with plans and activities and obligations, all good things in their way, but now our challenge is to seize each moment and not let the days slip away too rapidly. For instance, the lilies burst open today and - to my utter delight - they are red.

revolutions

There is a day
when the road neither
comes nor goes, and the way
is not a way but a place.

-Wendell Berry

I have lived in Minnesota for a year now. I have been a full time homemaker for a year. The title 'homemaker' sums up all that I hold dear! Home; and Making. Place; and Purpose. Where I belong and what I do are all rolled into who I am. My identity.

I am continually learning better ways to say things. Letting love temper my confrontation of the world. Realizing that submission is not a negative word, but we have twisted and bent it into an ugly idea (too much of anything is ugly). Convincing myself of that pretty much every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. And often failing. Embracing restoration and resourcefulness.

Questions I have been asked: What do you do all day? Do you like living across the street from your in-laws? Why are you drawn to the countryside? While these questions usually come from a genuine curiosity, I feel that I cannot adequately explain such broad and complex subjects. I want to answer with a story. I want to offer inquirers a glimpse into my life, but a plunge would be more apt. Brett and I were completely MADE to live this life. We have the exact skills and desires to turn the undesirable into the hospitable. I could write a whole post on this, but suffice it to say, we are on our own timetable and at this stage cannot do this for our livelihood. Though we are doing it for our living. *smile*

We have decided to name this home The Portage, alluding to life's transitory nature, and because this house is not our Anchor's Rest.

¹por·tage noun \ˈpȯr-tij, 3 is also pȯr-ˈtäzh\1 : the labor of carrying or transporting
2 archaic : the cost of carrying : porterage
3 a : the carrying of boats or goods overland from one body of water to another or around an obstacle (as a rapids) b : the route followed in making such a transfer

bargainmongering

Remember that $10 OFF Kohls coupon I got a summer dress for Norabel with? I got another one.

Apparently they are desperate for my few cents (although this time I spent a whopping $2 - dang, they got me). I nearly stocked up on $5 henleys from the 80%-off rack, but found this beauty irresistible:



More deals of the day. We ordered a faucet for our clawfoot bathtub. The cheapest one at Lowes was $150 and had to be custom-ordered. No thanks. We tried to check at the ReStore but they were closed two weeks in a row. Then Brett found a gooseneck on Ebay for under $20! Ideally we'd like a barclay to match our sink, but we'll make do with the cheaper version until we have hundreds of dollars to spare.

above: faucet we ordered
below: ideal sink-matching faucet

Oh, and I found a grilling spatula for Brett for nineteen cents. Even though he already picked out his father's day present (a router). I figured he is worth the splurge.

farmer's market

I did not sell anything, but I highly enjoyed having my first booth at farmer's market this morning. Andrea and I wove baskets and I prettified bulletin boards with brightly colored fabric scraps and paint. I really don't care if no one ever buys anything, I am going to do it as often as possible. I love being surrounded and inspired by my fellow cultivators and craftsmen, the spontaneous and casual conversations that swirl together with the live music, and all the delightful smells. Norah joined us and played in the fountain until we dragged her away.

Norah plays in the fountain by the bandshell - photo by Andrea

With Brett gone working at Dominoes, Norah and I went about our play for the afternoon. PB&J for lunch. "Brooming" up our crumbs afterword. Norah played a while with her new airplanes "Did we get this at the garage sale? We DID get this at the garage sale!" ...she is quite familiar with garage sales already, thanks to her mama. Then we watered flowers, and then I thought the weather was hot enough for a certain Flower to put her swimsuit on and play in a bucket of water, while I sat on the front porch with the laptop. As I tried to screen out how happy everyone else is that it's summer, the good things about summer came to mind: Slurpees, snowcones, Italian ice, and ice cream. That last one was in our freezer so I scooped a bowl for the both of us to eat on the front step. Norah was worn out after "swimming" and I am such a good mommy I let her wear her new (garage sale) princess dress for her rest time. And she fell fast asleep, happily ever after (they're the same thing, really).

* * *

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. What I am trying to do is prepare for the worst thing I can imagine: that I don't get to have the big family I always wanted. I so badly want to accept that, but it really means burying my dream. Dying to self. Death hurts.

Accepting thoughts do occasionally occur to me. For instance, I was pondering - what if (buckle your seat belt, my imagination is taking the wheel) there is a person out there somewhere with whom I can connect because God has withheld from me? Just picturing an instance like that in my mind's eye is such a hopeful thing. That could be my eucatastrophe (wiki it).

respect

I have a focus on submitting to authority. I think it is good, right, and necessary, but I have great difficulty DOING it. I generally think that my way is always better than anyone else's way.

How do I teach my daughter how to do something that I cannot properly model myself?

At least there is Grace.