threshold

I feel like I'm walking on water. If I dare look down, I'll sink. If I dare *think* about looking down, I'll sink. Like a rock. Talk about pink elephants.

There, that was the best words I could give my emotions. Seriously, this owning a house business is surreal. Suddenly I've felt the edge of fear that I could lose this huge thing. But that is all it is: a thing. Underneath is still my strong sure Anchor that God would not give us a responsibility we cannot handle. We even prayed that God would not let us get the house unless it was in the scope of His providence. So... it must be!

Marvelous progression: education - husband - daughter - midwest - homemaking - house. Okay, a quiver full might be the frosting on the cake, but I just can't be discontent when I have so much already (can I? There is a white crib in the rafters of the garage; the house came with a free crib!). Oh my word, this place is bigger than I ever would have imagined. It really is like the Bailey place in "It's a Wonderful Life." Norah's room is done except for hanging some things on the walls. Brett is ripping up rotten floor to build and tile the bathroom and kitchen, and when that's done then we can settle in and use them! Painting will have to wait. Maybe I can paint one room per month. March - N's room, April - bathroom, May - kitchen, etc. Let me tell you, it is strange to unpack boxes whose contents haven't seen the light of day for years, let alone been put to use! Everyone (it seems) says no matter how much space you have, you'll fill it, and inside I scoff just a teeny bit. In five years my discipline may grow slack, but after successfully purging Quite a Lot and living in one-and-a-half rooms for almost a year I feel we sort of deserve to stretch out a little. I certainly hope that every window, wall, and corner are filled with pure and simple love & hospitality. All along I hoped for a cozy cost(read:energy)-efficient home, but since we landed such a whopper I'll just have to rise to the challenge of living cheaply in a large house.

Maybe, once the snow melts and the utility bill comes, it will all feel a little more real.